You're never alone
by JenniferHawke
Summary: Since the death of his parents on Mindoir, Shepard's always kept himself busy during the holidays. But a mandatory shore leave throws a wrench in his plans. Instead of moping alone in misery, he reaches out to his friends to learn more about their cultures, and share stories of his own. A gift fic written for the Mass Effect Fanfiction Writers Secret Santa exchange.


**Author's notes: This was written for the Mass Effect Fanfiction Writer's Secret Santa Gift Exchange! My giftee is Jaeger Gipsy Danger. I tried to hit a few of her prompts as best as I could within the same story. I hope all my readers enjoyed their holidays, no matter what you may celebrate, and have a wonderful new year!**

* * *

The crew gathered before Shepard on deck three. The Normandy needed repairs, and a mandatory shore leave had been ordered. While a shore leave was the last thing on his mind, looking at the faces of the crew before him told Shepard that they direly needed a little rest. The last few weeks in particularly wore on the members of the Normandy, with the death of Thane and near assassination of the salarian councillor. Although Kaidan only recently re-joined their ranks, even he looked exhausted.

"You all know that we've been ordered to dock at the Citadel while the Normandy undergoes necessary repairs. We've been through hell the last few months. Take this time to recharge your batteries. I'll need you all at your best when you return."

"You've got it, Commander," James retorted.

Shepard looked around at his crew … his friends. The people he'd grown to trust with his life. They were his only family, and he cared for each of them as if they were his own flesh and blood.

"Now go out there and enjoy yourselves. That's an order."

* * *

Shepard wandered through the apartment Anderson gifted him just hours prior. For as immaculate as the apartment was, being within its halls left John with a sense of loneliness. He'd become used to the constant sound of chattering on the Normandy. It wasn't as if he couldn't use some alone time to gather himself, but with the holidays creeping ever closer, it was the time to surround himself with those close to his heart.

Ever since the death of his parents on Mindoir, Shepard dreaded the holidays, especially Christmas. While he looked fondly back at loving memories spent with his mother and father, the pain of their loss never lessened around this time of year. He'd always made sure to keep himself busy, but with a mandatory shore leave forced upon him, he wasn't sure how to avoid the dread that already persisted in his gut.

His last Christmas' had been spent on the Normandy, busy with their mission. Although a few of the human crew members decorated deck three, it was never an overly festive time, being they shared the space with non human members. It occurred to Shepard that he'd never even bothered to ask his alien comrades if their cultures celebrated something remotely close. He'd known Tali, Liara, and Garrus for years now, but how much did he really know their kind? The thought nagged at him, and before he knew it, he decided a holiday celebration was just what he needed. Granted, Christmas wasn't a widely celebrated holiday among his friends. But it wouldn't be _just_ a Christmas celebration.

Shepard took a seat at the computer, trying to devise a message for his crew. The wording became lost to him, trying to find the right way to word this special occasion. After a few minutes of fighting with his mind, he gave up trying to find the perfect wording, and just let his heart do the talking.

 _Friends,_

 _Many of you may be aware that humans celebrate a holiday called 'Christmas' this time of year. We are all away from our families, and it can be a hard time of year for those who have lost a loved one. I invite you all to a celebration I will be holding at Anderson's apartment on the Citadel. To my non-human friends, I want to take this opportunity to learn about some of the traditions or holidays you may have. We spend countless hours together on the Normandy and in battle. Let us take this opportunity to learn something new about one another. This is by no means a mandatory gathering. I simply know all too well how isolating it can feel to be away from family during special holidays that are close to our culture, and to our hearts. I hope to see many of you there. Below, I've attached the apartment's coordinates._

 _\- John Shepard_

John took a step away from the computer after sending the message to his comrades of the Normany. He'd also sent it to Jack, whom he saw just weeks before at the Grissom Academy. It hadn't been the reunion he'd imagined he would have with the powerful biotic woman who stole his heart months before. Nevertheless, it warmed him to see her again, even if their encounter had been brief.

A few minutes later, his omni tool beeped with a new call. He hit the button that connected it to his earpiece.

"Hey Shepard," Jack's voice spoke softly on the other end. "I just got your message."

"Hi Jack. It's good to hear from you again."

"Getting soft on me?"

"Never."

Jack chuckled, and his insides fluttered with excitement at the sweet sound. "I don't think I'm going to be able to make it to the Citadel in time for your event. Things are pretty crazy over here. Been running all kinds of drills with the kids this week. Plus, so many of them don't have families to go home to for Christmas. I thought I'd be here for them."

"Who's going soft now?" Shepard teased, but he couldn't help the smile that formed at the thought of how far Jack had come since he met her. She'd once been closed off and hardened, not daring to allow anyone into her heart. Over the months aboard the Normandy, slowly her toughened layers dissolved bit by bit, and Shepard saw the real Jack. She had more inner and outer scars than most would ever bare in a lifetime, and yet, deep down inside she remained a good person, whether she knew it or not.

"What can I say? I know what it's like to be alone."

"You're never alone Jack. You have me."

"I know, Shepard." Her voice grew quiet a few moments, and Shepard could hear a slight waver in her tone. "Have a few drinks for me, will you?"

"Will do."

"Talk to you later."

The sound of silence echoed in his ear. John missed Jack dearly, and would give anything to spend a few undisturbed days with her at his side. But reality beckoned, and he knew with the Reaper war raging havoc, those plans would have to be put on hold until the war was won. If they won … .

* * *

Shepard stood before the decorated tree adorned in red and silver. It'd been quite some time since he bothered to decorate a tree, or even celebrate the holiday. But he remained hopeful that at least a few of his friends would stop by. Before long, the door buzzed. When Shepard answered it, EDI and Joker stood at the doorway, a wrapped gift in EDI's hand.

"EDI, Joker. Glad you could make it."

"I researched the extranet for information on this holiday. Sources said it was customary to bring a gift."

"Totally unnecessary EDI. It's more about the company than the material possessions," Shepard replied, taking the gift from her hands.

"Come inside."

Joker whistled as he stepped into the spacious apartment. "Nice setup you have here."

"It's Anderson's apartment. I'm just using it while we're on shore leave."

"Anderson must have had one hell of a salary. Which has me wondering what they gotta be paying you."

Shepard rolled his eyes at Joker's invasive remark, when the doorbell sounded again. He opened the door, letting in Tali, Liara, and Garrus.

"Shepard," Liara greeted him with a smile. "This is for you." She handed a wreath decorated in brightly coloured flowers he'd never seen before.

"Thanks Liara."

"Your message said you were curious in learning about our cultures. I've heard that your 'Christmas' comes just before human's celebrate the new year. The asari new year begins in the spring. We celebrate with a fertility ritual, named after our Goddess Janiri. Some choose to weave flowers throughout wreaths, and give them to ones they cherish. The Citadel doesn't have many flower shops, but I was surprised to see that some of their flowers were imported from Thessia." Liara reached out, and stroked a vibrant red flower. "This one here grew in a field not far from where I grew up."

Shepard couldn't help but smile. It must have taken Liara hours to create the thoughtful gift. He walked over to a wall by the entrance, and placed the wreath upon a hook. "There. It livens up the place a little, don't you think?"

The bright red, purple, and yellow flowers added colour and life to the mainly drab decor. The apartment was immaculately decorated, no doubt about it, however Anderson seemed to have a thing for grey and chrome.

Garrus walked over to the Christmas tree, a talon running under a bell, clinking against the object. "Hmm," he hummed. "I can understand wanting to give gifts to loved ones. But I don't think I get why human's place these strange looking decorations all over a tree."

"It's a very old human tradition. I'm not sure where it exactly originated from, but parents tell their children that if they've behaved all year, they will wake up to presents under the tree on Christmas morning."

"So they basically bribe their kids to behave," Garrus responded with amusement. "That's not a completely terrible idea."

Shepard let out a chortle. "Do turians have any special traditions?"

"Nothing like this 'Christmas' of yours. When a clan takes in a new member, we host a small celebration, and offer gifts in the colour of our markings," Garrus said, waving a taloned finger in front of his face to signify the blue tattoos.

"In which circumstances do your people accept members from other clans?"

"During bonding ceremonies usually. We also do a similar celebration if a bonded couple adopts a child. Those children usually are bare faced, which is often frowned upon."

"Why?" Tali asked, her head tilted in Garrus' direction.

"A grown turian with a bare face is seen as being untrustworthy. If they've gone their entire life without being accepted into a clan, it speaks poorly of their character."

"Sounds like it's a social stigma, much like being a pure blood among the asari." Liara said softly.

"I guess you could say that. But being pure blood doesn't make you untrustworthy Liara." Garrus reassured her.

"Oh, I'm not saying our people have the same reasons. But it's still unfair to be judged over something often beyond your control."

Shepard could feel a shift in the energy in the air. He turned to Tali, wanting to change the subject.

"What about the quarian's, Tali? Do you have any special celebrations?"

"Nothing involving giving gifts. We place a lot of value on storytelling, as living on the flotilla can be stressful as one might imagine. Once a month, families gather together and share stories. Sometimes, there's dancing involved."

"Dancing?" Shepard raised a brow.

"Not like the kind you do, Shepard," Tali teased.

Another knock interrupted their conversation. "One second," Shepard raised a hand, and headed over to the door, wondering who else had decided to join them. When the door opened, his stomach fluttered at the sight before him.

"Miss me?" Jack asked, a coy smirk on her face.

"Jack!" Shepard exclaimed, pulling her into a tight embrace. Jack nuzzled into his chest, and chuckled against him.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Shepard pulled away, gazing into her eyes. "I thought you said you couldn't make it."

"Yeah well, apparently I've been busting my ass too much. I was ordered to take some time off from teaching."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What, and miss out on seeing that goofy grin on your face? No way. Surprising you was definitely worth it."

"Get a room already," Joker muttered from where he sat next to EDI on one of the couches.

"Hey Joker, ever gonna find a real girlfriend, or just gonna stick with the sex bot over there?"

"Still trying to save face after we saw you last? We all know you're not the badass you used to be." Joker responded, a half smirk pressed on his lips.

"Screw you!" Jack muttered. Shepard squeezed her hand.

"Come on, can't we all get along for one day?"

"According to the data I compiled from the extranet, it is highly common for arguments to occur during these types of gatherings." EDI chimed in.

"And you wanted nothing less than an authentic human experience," Joker sighed.

"Precisely."

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle to himself. They were just like a real family, even if they didn't share the same DNA. Over the years, Shepard learned it wasn't about having the same blood. Family were those who you would give your life to save, the ones who had your back no matter what. Smiling, he lead Jack over to the tree, wrapping his arm tightly around her petite waist.

"I'm glad you're here," he whispered in her ear, watching contently as Liara, Garrus, and Tali all took seats in the living room, easily slipping into conversation with one another.

"Me too, Shep," she responded quiety, her head resting in the spot between his neck and shoulder. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head lightly. Warmth flowed throughout his body. It was the best Christmas he'd had since childhood, and a memory he would certainly cherish forever. With his friends at his side, he'd never again feel alone.

* * *

 **End notes: I honestly wanted to have more crew members make an appearance, but I had surgery which really messed with how much time I had to write before the deadline. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed :)**


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